Siblings: Sister, and a brother from another mother
For those of you who don’t know me, I’ve always been a social person. A classic “extrovert “ who gets her energy from being with others. My Parkinson’s disease has whittled away that energy and I often find myself just happy to be alone - but not always comfortable with it. I think much of my extroverted personality comes from my place in our family; I am the youngest child.
When I came into the world I was set up for a happy, healthy, supported life. I had two parents who loved each other, a warm, happy home, lots of extended family, and the greatest thing of all - a big sister named Penny. My built in best friend from birth. A relationship that was encouraged from the moment I came into the world. My mom was a second child (although not the baby) in a household of four children, and also had the benefit of an older sister who was her best friend. So, she carefully encouraged our relationship from the start.
For my whole life, my sister has been my best friend. She taught me how to talk, how to read, and she even potty trained me. She entertained me, so my
mom could take a nap, cleaned up after me when I made a mess, counselled me when I was lost, and cheered me on to do well. We have held the same values all of our lives, as Penny likes to say, we’re the same, she’s just more! We thought growing up, that all sisters were like us, but the older we got, we recognized this was not the case. We have our own language, like many twins do. I can honestly count on one hand how many fights we’ve had in our whole lives. (Two of them being in one epic cross country road trip!) So it was no surprise that intuitively, just before my initial diagnosis, Penny moved to Bowen Island to be closer to me. Looking back now, it was meant to be.
When we were little girls we would often lie on the floor, with our feet up on the wall and just chat away about things we thought were important in our little lives. Our pets, our friends, and a regular topic for us: a brother.
What would it be like if we had a brother? What would he look like? Would he beat up mean boys? He would be our big brother, as we couldn’t imagine it being any other way. Little did any of us know….
Fast forward 45-50 years. My husband, Barry, bought me a “Ancestry “ DNA kit. Barry has been researching his family history on and off for quite some time. He has a huge Newfoundland family and a long Canadian history, including seven siblings! Hi lineage makes our children 13th generation Canadian. So we anticipated finding new members of the family through him.
Never did we think it would be my small family that would find a new member. My mom, who died 22 years ago, my dad, my sister and myself, made up our family. We had always been close to my mom's family, since they are mostly located on Vancouver Island. My dad’s family were in the U.K. and quite distant. And again, we have very little family still living, and we have become very familiar with their stories and families.
When you sign up with Ancestry.ca, you fill in a section that says you’ll share your results and are willing to communicate with people who share your DNA. When I got my results back from the DNA kit, there was nothing unusual. I put it away and didn’t think about it again. Until one day, I got an email from Ancestry. It plainly said: you have a match, a first cousin, and they would like to reach out and send you a private email. I agreed.
Doug with his wife Jackie and their daughter Jamie.
Poem written by Jeanette Fisher Pynn, September 22, 2021.
Siblings
Longest relationship
Nurtured from Inception
Built in Best friend
We have our own language
Unconditional love
My fair haired Beauty
Found at Fifty
Nature vs Nurture
Always wondered what he’d be like?
Understood our language
Unconditional love
Our fair haired beauty.
So, it’s true.
Without turning this blog into a novel based on a true story, (Although, I would really like to have help telling the long story - either in a book, or on film, or both! Is there is anyone out there looking for a new project or subject? The whole story is truly remarkable, beautiful, and miraculous!)
The email I got that day, turned out, was from a brother I never knew existed. None of us knew existed. Doug, my brother, 😍 was given an Ancestry kit from his life partner, Jackie, for his birthday in February of 2018. The miraculous part being, that was when I took my test, as my birthday is also in February. We were born different years - Doug in 1965, me in 67, and my sister, who was also born in 65. (More on that later!)
The chances of us connecting like we did, is truly a miracle. First of all, no one knew he existed, including our Dad, his father. Doug was put up for adoption at birth, in 1965, in a town called Nanaimo, which is located along the coast of Vancouver Island. His birth mother was a woman who my father had briefly dated before meeting and marrying my Mother in 1964. Unknown to my dad, this woman was pregnant with Doug when she left town to return to her family. It turns out, Doug’s existence was only known by a few members of her family and was kept a secret until he started looking in 2018. Doug’s adoption papers were sealed until very recently. His birth had remained a big mystery until we uncovered much of his history upon meeting, and we were all together when he opened the records, when he was 54 years old!
As you can see, there is too much to this story to tell in a blog, but know that, Doug was born in February 1965, adopted later that year, by an older couple who had no children, and wanted one. Doug grew up in Whiterock B.C. until he was 11, then moved to New Zealand, where his parents were originally from. He grew up happy and healthy, and always knew he was Canadian. He returns here often in his adult life, maintaining friendships here and visiting Vancouver Island, to the place of his birth. My Dad and Doug have a relationship they both treasure. After the shock of learning he had a son, our dad accepted it gracefully and thoughtfully. He is regretful of the time they didn’t have together, but he accepts it. My sister and I are very close to our big brother, who as it turns out, looks just like we imagined: handsome, fair haired, even tempered and thoughtful. He’s truly my Dad in a younger, hipper form. He is an uncle (new to him) and a brother in law. We love him unconditionally and are loved by him in the same way.
Personally, I was so relieved to find Doug, as I knew my sister would be ok. After my first diagnosis, this was my worry, now, hopefully we still have many years of being siblings to catch up on.
Until next time….